I have a special guest blogger who happens to be my husband...he's pretty awesome
So….I am not Megan Nettles! I have the unique pleasure of being her partner in child rearing crime. As her husband of 13 years, I have learned a few things, gleaming certain life skills and practices from her plenteous “giving tree” of wisdom. One of those practices is taking time to reflect on the small events in life. I say small things because I am a bit of a dreamer, a bit of a big idea, what’s next kind guy. My bride helps me to slow down, look around and breath in the precious moments of life. And as a father of 5 crazy munchkins I seem to have LOTS of those moments. Here is one of them I wanted to reflect on; my oldest son’s junior black belt promotion.
Last night was the culmination of nearly five years of effort in the life of my clone (that’s his name for himself). People that watched me grow up say that teaching cole is like a constant feeling of deja vu. Cole wants to be just like me! I don’t take this comment lightly. As tears begin to whell up in my eyes as I write, this responsibility hits me right square in the chest. He wants to be just like me!!!! Wow! Even saying it reminds me of how amazing it is to be a father. He wants to be just like me and for the first time I think I am ok with that. If you know me, you know that I am a flawed man with way to much much energy, way to high of expectations on life and people. I am super forgetful, not a great listener, have an addictive personality, am way to opinionated, not very gentle, prideful as the day is long and I tend to take risks that get me hurt or hurt others. SOOO…yeah the thought of my oldest boy saying he wants to be just like me, calling himself my clone, wanting to do martial arts like me, wanting to be a jeweler like me, pretending to like the foods and drinks I like (I catch him making faces when he thinks I’m not looking) , looking devastated when he thinks he disappoints me, pushing himself too hard to keep up with me on the Appalacian trail, endlessly trying to talk, walk and dress like me….. is a distressing, albeit quite flattering idea to me.
But…. what last night hinted at to me was, that if my son sees in me something worth imitating, worth devoting his young and ambitious life to, then I guess I had better strive to become more like the Jesus I want him to be like. I need to take the time each day to remove the destructive habits and cancerous tendencies that rob my joy, darken my witness and steal the best parts of my daily life. I need more intentional time with Jesus! I need to look to Him the way my son looks to me. Because I know I have and will fail my son (and this brings me bitter shame) but I know that in my king, I will find only perfect love, uncanny faithfulness and unyielding acceptance.
So if Cole is gonna be like me then I need to be more like HIM, then maybe I can be the Dad he believes I already am!